I'm trying to find... a new way to BE. I'm lost right now... feel he is a stranger to me, feel he gave to her all that was supposed to be mine and now know why he was treating me so mean all last year and into this year. How can someone possibly say they love you and do this? I am very confused. What he says does not jive with his actions in my opinion. So I'm just beginning and feeling right now.

I just can't do this. I find it rational to consider eliminating myself, but that just makes me so worried about the children, then I can't take it too far in my head.