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Old May 16, 2016, 11:37 AM
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Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: A version of earth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cmorales View Post
During the many, many years before I entered treatment, it seemed as though my depressions would just drag on sometimes. But since I've been on meds, not so much. I actually just had my first depressive episode in like 2, almost 3, years. Today is like my first normal day back. This round lasted about a month or so with mostly physical symptoms accompanied by a blah, apathetic feeling, which eventually sank into a dark, empty feeling.

The last time I had a depression that was so short in duration, it seemed like my brain was just pulling me down far enough to slingshot me into mania -- which it did. It doesn't seem like that is going to happen this time though.
I have those slingshot depressions often. Sometimes hours. It's like running a course with a handicap, you eventually overtaking your opponent. Then crashing before the finish line, obviously.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
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