Hi Rick

Yes, let's agree computers have minds of their own, hey?
But what is good is that it's brought you here/to us

And.........I'm really sorry about the abuse you had to go through, and thank you for sharing that
Certainly abuse can leave it's scars and trying to/or processing it can bring added pain and effects.........but in the journey of processing it some of those understandable negative feelings/thoughts about yourself can be challenged. And sometimes you can grow to realise not only what was taken away from you, but what wasn't/can't be as well and build on those things.........because while nothing will take away what happened and it's completely understandable what an impact that will have had on you...........you are also much more than the abuse/what happened too, it might be real hard to see sometimes but...........

I wish there was some real simple advise I could give to speed up the processing.........but there are no "easy answers", which I'm sure you'll know (!!), it can take time to get there, and it does need to be at your own pace............and some of the feelings you're having like anger and resentment, well they are completely natural, understandable feelings, and stages you're going to need to work through, I'm sorry
But, what is really good is that you're starting to really process what happened, and especially talking about it/sharing/reaching out.........confronting what happened and breaking that SO harmful silence
I don't know if you've already been checking out the Survivors of Abuse forum:
Survivors of Abuse - Forums at Psych Central
but from my experience there are some incredibly understanding, caring and supportive people on there.........so maybe that's a place you can get some more support from too.........it is a road you shouldn't have to go down alone...........



Alison