I know that meds are necessary for me and that cocktails will probably always be necessary. I hope that clozaril will eventually work well enough that I might lose a med or two but for now I'm fine with handfuls of meds. After the last 2 years I am so happy that something is helping that I really don't care if it does mean lots of meds and side effects. I hate the side effects but accept them as trade-off for feeling well enough to live. I've known for a long time that meds won't be simple for me and after nearly a year of things being really scary while nothing worked I am just grateful to have something that is effective.

I've never taken myself off anything and wouldn't do it. My pdoc would not be happy about it and a trade-off for being one of her few patients she sees beyond an administrative job is compliance, particularly when non-compliance could be really bad (with the last resort drug I'd be left with nothing).