Quote:
Originally Posted by azuresky49
I'm trying to find... a new way to BE. I'm lost right now... feel he is a stranger to me, feel he gave to her all that was supposed to be mine and now know why he was treating me so mean all last year and into this year. How can someone possibly say they love you and do this? I am very confused. What he says does not jive with his actions in my opinion. So I'm just beginning and feeling right now.
I just can't do this. I find it rational to consider eliminating myself, but that just makes me so worried about the children, then I can't take it too far in my head.
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I want to respond to the last part of your message...please please, if you are having thoughts of ending yourself, please, go to the hospital. The first thing you need to be, is safe. Decisions about how to move forward with the future can come after that. Promise??
I really am so sorry you are going through all of this. I know it hurts and is some of the worst kind of hurt around. However, you are a STRONG woman, you have been around 66 yrs, you have been through a lot with your family and I'm sure with your husband too...we don't stay married that long without CRAP happening that we have to work through. You have value, you are loved and you are needed.
My parents have been in the kind of situation you are in, minus the children. There is a LOT of stuff that went on, but basically, my dad became someone else and when my mom eventually reconnected with an old friend, she lived with him for 10 years until his death 6 yrs ago. Afterwards she moved back in with my dad but they live in 2 different parts of the house and have made a relationship close to being brother and sister. They are now 73 and 77. My dad was a serial cheater from the time I was a kid, just wasn't aware of it until I was in my 20s. My mom tried to make my dad leave at that time but he came back saying he couldn't afford to leave so they separated but lived in the same house. A business decision if you will.
I am divorced now, it's only been a few months since it was official, so I want you to know I am not just coming up with things. You can go to counseling with your husband, if he will go, but unless he really wants to make things work, there really is no point. I say that after trying 5 times with my X. He will just say things to keep things smooth but no change happens. I had to finally make up my mind and leave for my own mental health because he was causing me a lot of anxiety which was making me sick.
I do wish you the best, rely on your therapist and friends and family if you have them and of course those of us here are here for you too.
You are going to be ok, just don't be afraid to ask for help, if you need the hospital, that's ok too...it's a safe place to be where you can get away from the situation long enough to stabilize. I've been in that situation as well, and it gave me peace to be away from my X. Because I couldn't think, feel, or be when I was in his presence.
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