Might be good to find a marriage counselor. I used my own psychologist we both went to together & apart but he was useless.

There is no excuse for joking around. Sometimes ultimatums work sometimes they backfire but when nothing else works sometimes we rely on threats...I suggest marriage counseling first.

I fought with my H from the time we were married. Couldn't figure out his issues until i left after 33 years. You are dealing with BP I was dealing with a H who was ASD (autism spectrum disorder). It is a struggle & I understand your frustration.

Being that I tend to confront & if that doesn't work, his laundry would never get done & he would be cooking & cleaning up his own dishes. Yep, sounds passive aggressive but when they don't want to listen, I call it consequences.