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Old May 17, 2016, 07:58 AM
objectclient objectclient is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2015
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monalisasmile View Post
Transference means different things to different people in different situations. Specifically in therapy it relates to the feelings you have towards your t. They may be positive, negative, maternal, paternal, erotic...etc but the meaning behind these feelings are what is significant. Usually is you are missing something in real life this will show up through your feelings through the therApuetic relationship. For example if you always longed for a mother figure to look after you and care for you, this was missing in your childhood, the connection between mother and child. This will be maternal transference. It gets a whole lot more complicated when those feelings turn sexual and become erotic too. This could be because your t is so understanding and listens to you like no one else ever did, who wouldn't fall in love with someone who will give is their undecided attention. It shows is what we need in relationship but sometimes you just fancy your t and this happens but also gets labelled as erotic transference but it is just a crush but can also be love because of its intimate settings of course we can fall in love with our ts.
The transference you describe does sound related to your attachment style and you related to your parents. I am guessing it was an anxious ambivalent attachment? One minute mother was there meeting your needs/ next minute she would ignore you or shout at you, so you never had a consistent parenting style? Does this sound familiar? Perhaps this relationship is playing out with your t and her countertransference is reacting to your transference. It's all very complicated but it does show us something if we pay attention to what is happening between you and your t.

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Hi monalisasmile. Thank you for your response. No, the above doesn't sound familiar to me. I know I was cared for as a child and there are photos to prove it with my mum holding me but I don't actually have any memories of my mum being affectionate to me as a child. I can remember her looking after me when I was poorly. If I was being sick, she would rub my back but that is all I remember. I have memories of her hugging me when I was older but it would always feel like she was anxious. In other words, it felt like it was to comfort her, not me. Would that be significant?

To be honest, I went through my whole life before I met my T without ever needing or wanting physical affection. I always felt so awkward and wooden so when these feelings came up with T it felt out of character for me and it was very scary.