Attachment, Transference and Boundaries

Dear T,

I wish one of my T's had explained "attachment", "transference" and "boundaries" when I was in my 20's, 30's and early 40's. Learning about boundaries was SO important. I was married, then divorced, yet attached to T's. I was feeling guilty and confused. I sense some T's tired of me.

Hey, I didn't know about this stuff. The average client doesn't know about this stuff. I didn't know the words to ask about those feelings. I didn't realize it was even a "thing." I felt foolish.

Now I'm kinda mad about it. All those T's could have helped me with it. And, there were a LOT of T's. Surely they knew what was going on. All those T's...and no help with this. I feel I needed to have some kind of understanding of attachment and transference when it happened- before we could deal with depression, anxiety, childhood and marriage issues. Transference and attachment feelings-- they got in the way of making progress with those more current, real-life issues!

I wish my T and I had explored this more in my later 40's, too. At least that T started teaching me about transference...and boundaries. None of the previous T's had said much about boundaries. And, I don't think we talked about "attachment" much in my 40's now, looking back.

I didn't know to ask about attachment until my 60's.

Now, looking back, all you previous Ts...even the well-meaning T's...you ****ed up. And it hurt me. It set me up for the malevolent T's...because I didn't know!