Hi, TishaBuv. Sorry to hear you're also having problems. I don't think I was in love at the beginning - certainly not deeply infatuated in the way I've had crushes on others. She's always been smart and practical, which is why I liked her. Our relationship has been pragmatic, not emotional. I respect my wife deeply. She's a good person. We are just completely different people. We have always been different, but the years have made us even more different than we were in the beginning.

There's no physical problem. It's not as though I've ever found my wife physically irresistible, but then again I don't care much about physical beauty. I don't know that I would find anyone appealing if I didn't love her soul - no matter how beautiful she was. I've never had a problem being physically aroused by my wife or making love to her. The problem is that we are emotionally and intellectually very different. We don't really have fun together - apart from lovemaking. We require completely different things to feel engaged and stimulated. I don't think my wife appreciates the things I value most about myself, and perhaps I don't appreciate the things she appreciates about herself.

This will sound horrible... She doesn't interest me. We have nothing to talk about anymore. I find myself being a completely different person around her just to keep her entertained or make her comfortable. I feel lost. I feel like I lose myself with her. She doesn't love me for me. She can't handle my emotional rollercoaster. I'm a high intensity person. I crave novelty and risk. I have high highs and low lows. I feel completely constrained in this relationship. My wife doesn't make me feel alive. It's so hard to be this much of an asshole about it. I can feel people rolling their eyes.

Anyway, I'll offer thoughts on your situation if you'd like to share. I don't know if I can be much help, but I can certainly understand ambivalence, guilt, shame, regret, etc.