Have you ever considered rephrasing how you state these things? You say things like you were horrible and you caused the problems in your home. She's right that you were a child and the responsibility and blame lies with the adults in the household; she's not (and shouldn't) change that stance. However, would it be within the realm of possibility for you to say, "My parents became overwhelmed and abused me emotionally and physically because they didn't know how to parent me properly. My behavioral and emotional problems were a challenge, a huge challenge, but my parents failed to provide a struggling, angry, emotional me with the love and support and nurturing that ANY child, including myself, deserved." It is a statement that acknowledges your struggles and difficulties as a child but is also does NOT let your parents off the hook for their failure to parent with love and support and acceptance.