I'm scared because my pain is not strong enough, like other times. It feels like it is here to stay

Having been not enough bad today, I don't feel relieved now. I can't do it without the evening truce. Good talk with my T, but it is rational stuff. It may dissipate my anguish only with time...

I don't feel lifeless, I am endowed with an exceptional ability to be SAD. I don't feel guilty for anything, but i feel this gloomy despair will NOT kill me, it will keep me alive and inflict me an extraordinary amount of PAIN.

And I am scared