This has always been an ongoing problem for me. I have been diagnosed with depression for quite some time now but it has gotten a lot worse lately. I used to only feel the emotional effects such as crying and sleep disturbances. As I have gotten older, I am now developing physical symptoms as well. I am tired all the time. I try to explain this to people and my doctors and they just don't seem to understand the extent of it. It's not just tiredness, it's physical exhaustion. I don't have the energy to take a shower anymore and when I do, I find myself sitting down in the shower because I am too physically tired to stand up. I usually just rinse my hair off and don't actually wash it because I am too tired to hold my hands up to my head that long. I do a lot of typing in my current work and I find myself physically unable to do it because my hands and fingers feel like they weigh a ton and I just physically can't make myself do it. I sleep 10-12 hours a night and still feel more tired when I wake up than when I went to bed.

I know I beat myself up about it too. I just get so aggravated that I can't do the things I used to do. I am 40 years old and I know that I cannot go through another 30 or 40 years of living this way. I have been on medications over the years with really no difference. Now, since I am not able to work as much as I was, I can no longer afford them anyway.

I literally just want to go climb into bed and never come out again. I try to explain this to what little friends and family I have but I feel like I am nothing but a burden to them and they don't want to be bothered with me.

Is there any end to this? Does it ever get better? How am I supposed to keep going when all I want to do is give up? There is really nothing left that means anything to me anymore so what difference does it make anyway?