Hi ScientiaOmnisEst. Sorry you have suffered through so much but you seem to be reaching a measure of independence. Have you considered talking to a therapist about some of your issues.

I beat myself up pretty bad because I was never perfect enough for my parents. I accepted that role for a long time until I finally started to work toward building self esteem. I found this article a help in that direction.
Building Self-Esteem | Psych Central