I just saw the question about " what keeps you from taking the final step" I don't know that i believe that suicide is the unforgivable sin, but i don't want to take the risk just in case. No, i'm not being glib or casual about it, but I'm honestly afraid that hell or the afterlife could be even worse than my experiences on my worst days. I have talked to my pastor and asked him how he knows that it is not God's will for me to die by my own hand( he really didn't have much of an answer). But I am enough of an optimist to hope that the sun will shine again. okay enough on that front.
my husband just realized yesterday that i have been off medications for about 6-8 weeks because of insurance issues. So, he thinks i need to call my psychiatrist immediately to get back on something. I disagree. I won't say it's been all sunshine and rainbows, but all in all; I've been able to muscle through it. I am still sober, though I do have a retirement party that is going to be a challenge. I haven't been attending my step class, because i just haven't had the energy/strength. But I have made it through each day in one piece. Maybe i am just delusional and not doing as well as i think i am. i just don't know anymore.