I struggle with, approach it, the same, finding a balance. Maybe that's fine if you gradually, gently "tip" it in the right direction, eventually being comfortable with stability.

But I'm not sure either. I just know what I do and assume it serves a purpose, trying to do it more deliberate, controlled.

Glad to know I'm not the only one having troubles with this.

But we can't possibly be the only ones, right?

At least others, with a borderline personality and/or (maybe, I wouldn't know) PTSD would have similar problems? Self-harming or making trouble counts. I believe it's all similar—in some and maybe this, way. The effects.