I have never taken that final step because of my kids. When I would start thinking of ways to do it, my kids would popup into my mind. Then, I'd say to myself "I can't do that to them". I will traumatize my kids for life. My love for them is the reason why I'm still here today. They need their mother.

When I had my first depression, I started taking antidepressants when I started having suicidal thoughts.

This time around, (second depression), I started taking antidepressants when I was crying every day. It helps me stabilize my mood somewhat so I'm not crying at work! My dose isn't as high as the first time.

I just take it one day at a time.

The only advice I can give you is to pay attention to those internal thoughts in your head. In my case, sometimes, it helps me see how I truly feel. Disappointment, helplessness, etc...