Hey,

From my story. I really struggled around 9 months on my current recovery. For me it was a tiny lil baby step everyday, but I did not start to feel considerably better until 18 months sober with a lot of work on changing my approach to life.

For me, there are two mind sets that can lead to relapse. I am curious if you relate and can pinpoint which mind set applies to you if any.

First, there is the denial pathway. This is the line of thinking where I question the presence and/or severity of my alcoholism to the point of convincing myself that I can "handle it again" that I "really was not that bad" these small flames of denial get fueled leading to relapse.

The other pattern does not involve a pathway through denial. Instead, full alcoholism is accepted and not questioned internally, but the desire to drink simple overrides all good judgement. I refer to this as the "***** it" pathway. In this model, I know for sure that I am an alcoholic and accept that I cannot drink, but do anyway knowing full well of the potential for a great deal of trouble up to and including death.

Pondering these thought patterns and understanding how my alcoholism works helps me stay sober. What is it like for you? I'd love to hear more of your insight.

Thanks,

moogs