Quote:
Originally Posted by lolagrace
I guess I don't hear those things as reassurance (which is why I asked for a bit more explanation).
My therapists might say those things, but it was more to counter my negative and mistaken core beliefs and negative self-talk than it was for reassurance. Rather than finding those kinds of statements reassuring, I initially found them frustrating and completely counter to my own internal dialogue. Until I could really believe and internalize them within, those kinds of statements did little to reassure me at all.
What are your new T's responses to statements that may come from old internal beliefs? Is she more direct or challenging perhaps? Perhaps laying it more on you to find those reassurances within yourself by challenging your own thinking? My therapist was more direct and challenging which in the long-run worked better for me or I would still be longing for the reassurances from an outer source rather than having to face my mistaken beliefs and challenge and reframe them for myself.
|
For me, reassurance, or at least what my marriage counselor considers "reassurance," is like him confirming he's not going anywhere, that I can tell him anything and he won't reject me for it, and also that I'm a strong person and can handle things. At one point last year, he said he couldn't keep reassuring me, yet he still does (think there's at least a touch of countertransference going on there). I clarified that the other day, because he was reassuring me on the phone about my admission of love, and I was like, "But I thought you said you couldn't keep reassuring me." And he said he's fine with continuing to do that, but wants me to get to a place where I can reassure myself.
My T isn't as into the whole reassuring thing (just her style), which I think is why I gravitate toward MC when I'm feeling especially sad or insecure.
But anyway, as a few others have said, I'd try telling T what you want/need. If you're having trouble talking about it, type it out and e-mail it to her or show her in session. I've found that talking about what helps me and what doesn't leads to better therapy and a better relationship with the T (though it definitely took time before I felt comfortable doing that, because I just assumed they knew what was right).