I don't know why it's seen as so surprising that narcs in particular might never change when most people never change, no matter how much a spouse or a partner or a parent might really really want it to happen. Why hold narcs any more tightly to a standard that the majority of the species doesn't achieve either? We're all sort of born who we are. Like Jay Z says in and pretty aptly "no matter where you go, you are what you are, player; and you can try to change, but that's just the top layer; man, you was who you was 'fore you got here. Only God can judge me so I'm gone, either love me or leave me alone.."

I used to ask myself that question of why would I be attracted to people (not necessarily narcs but whomever, my own personal rogues gallery) who ended up abusing or just generally forsaking me in prior relationships, but these days I reject the premise entirely, that somehow I was drawn specifically to just that which would hurt me later. For me it's been much more valuable to look at past relationships with a blame-free lens, so that I don't demonize and thusly obfuscate the meaning and future potential of that which was good. Watch out for dolphins in your tuna net and all.