Trippin, thank you for reaching out and sharing some of your story in order to help me. I really appreciate your help and moreover I feel like you are looking out for my back. It's a nice feeling, thank you.

"If I never got really really mad and really really sad that my ex beat me to a pulp, I would never have harnessed that negative energy and used it for leaving him."

Agree. My situation hasn't reached that point for me. Hopefully it won't. I simply don't know. Agree, negative feelings have a place and can be used for change.

"I would've justified and forgiven,rinse, wash, repeat cycle, till I had no more bones to bruise and break."

Agree. But I think there are other ways to break a cycle. You mention physical abuse here. I am not sure if this would apply.

Case and point - She would say things to me to get me jealous. At first I took the bait, hook, line and sinker. I would get all pissy and jealous. I don't like feeling that way. So I chose to be present, to stay calm and clear (purely for my own self preservation). The next time she did it. I stayed present and it was obvious, almost laughable. Inside I chuckled to myself, "here we go again." But instead of engaging in conversation that would make me feel bad. I just let it go right through me as if I were transparent. I gave her words no traction. Then something amazing happened! I felt compassion for her. She was suffering and in a very dysfunctional way was looking to be validated. I did not react or reply to her words. I just sat with them.

An hour later it happened again. No response from me.

Then it happened once again that day. Again, nothing.

2 weeks have gone by and it has never come up again. This weekend, she simply asked me. "Do you love me?" To me, that is progress. Did we break the cycle? I have no idea. But I sure feel like we have moved to a new level.

"So, negative emotions do have a place and a use, or we would not feel them at all."

Agree, without them there would be no positive feelings. Furthermore negative feelings tells us something is out of whack. But it is how we act on them that can make a difference. In the above case, I did nothing. As much as I wanted to validate her I rejected the method in which she has come accustomed to. If I did it would just perpetuate the cycle. She tried a couple more times and gave up. And I believe "Do you love me?" is a huge step in the right direction.

"But, you're clearly happy with this lady whom you praise (for no reason at all, come on BE realistic) so there's no logical need for this thread, because you've received the reality check you requested and gracefully rejected it."

"For no reason at all." Divine has made a similar comment. "make her sound as a hero over mundane stuff like changing diapers. Everyone does it. Grown woman changed a diaper. Ok. So what she immigrated and finally had to change diapers. I immigrated too. It's not that unusual. People work all kind of jobs. She looks in babies eyes. Yeah ok"

Ok, I accept your perspectives. But how do you know this to be true?

As I said above, I had a self transformation during this thread. I looked outside of me by coming to this thread. I was really lost. Then I gained my composure and found the answer inside.

I am truly sorry if I wasted your time. Regardless, I appreciate you reaching out. You feel like a big sister to me, it's a nice feeling. Thank you.