Hey guys thanks for replying to this

To start, so Drs can't diagnose BP while someone has been using? Well mine did. He even gave me depakote... When i look back at my childhood before using i definitely had my mood swings, depression, etc. but it didn't seem unmanageable. I did some very stupid things and fought with friends over nonsense, but i feel now, if i am sober... i am more than capable of controlling any of these destructive urges. When i was sober for the better part or a year i seemed to have this depressive funk that hit me for a ~week about once every month and a half or so. It wasn't terrible, but i wasn't happy either. I had suicidal thoughts, but didn't feel like acting on them. I honestly think my main issue with these mood swings is that they push me back into getting high. IF i could just stay sober i could keep eating healthy, exercising, meditating, and continue with all my other good habits to manage any mood swings. I really don't think i am Bp anymore, maybe just regular depression? I don't seem to have the sleepless mania although i do feel manic at times(from what people describe as mania), but i thought it was just hyper-activeness. When i was a kid my problems seemed to be a rollercoaster all day. If i had interesting things to do i was happy if i was dreading something, bored, lonely, or tired i'd get depressed. I was just alll over the place with emotions.