Sinking, I'm sorry it's so hard for you! One thing that helped me a lot was when I started taking yoga - doing gentle and restorative yoga helped me relax in a way I hadn't realized was possible without alcohol, and I felt like it gave me another way to take care of myself on the days I didn't have therapy. It really felt like it supplemented therapy - even though it was so different it made me feel much better. It felt like it was helping me in ways therapy couldn't quite reach. Maybe it would be worth a try if you haven't tried it already? But I understand if it's not something that sounds helpful. We're all so different...