and this almost never happens to me. I read this post on Quora, quote :

''Learn to accept pain in your life.

If you try things and fail, it will hurt. A lot. Hurt as in I can't bear existence right now pain. A lot of people quite reasonably try to avoid experiencing this pain.

But the cost is higher than they think. The cost is to slowly become dead, a pathetic ghost in an endless wasteland, able to neither feel nor care, because they have nothing to feel or care about.

Dare to love. Dare to live. Dare to make an absolute fool of yourself and be utterly humiliated. Dare to fail.

Dare to feel.

It's worth it.

Best of luck.''

and the emotions engulfed me. I was looking at this girl's profile on OkCupid, it's obvious I have a crush on her, the way I keep thinking about her but I got upset because I couldn't talk to her, I'm scared. I'm scared of getting rejected again, getting hurt and that's how I feel on that Quora post after writing on Goggle :

''I love a girl, but I am afraid to speak to her. What should I do?''

What do you think I should I do? Not about knowing what to do, I know what I have to do. I must conquer my fears and talk to her but I'm... crying again and I don't want to be rejected, though if I do nothing, it's the same as getting rejected so I'm fuc****. LOL Sorry for the colorful language, it helps when I feel sad.

Any idea? I feel pain because this passage happened to me so many times in the last 15 years that I lost count.

''If you try things and fail, it will hurt. A lot. Hurt as in I can't bear existence right now pain. A lot of people quite reasonably try to avoid experiencing this pain.

But the cost is higher than they think. The cost is to slowly become dead, a pathetic ghost in an endless wasteland, able to neither feel nor care, because they have nothing to feel or care about.''

I'm doing an individual therapy about that right now, next meeting is tomorrow at 5:30 PM EST, group therapy is in 3-4 months but I have a big crush on this girl and I don't want her to go away... In 3-4 months, she might be gone. I might fail but it's very important to me. I have trouble falling in love with girls since a couple years but this girl, it's different, I instantly felt attracted. I must have seen over 10 000 girls in the last couple years, maybe over 100 000 but none did me effect like her, not even close.

I think what upset me also, is the fact I must do a ton of math adult classes to catch up for my future studies in finance/business, I read books about success in finance/business, I work and I go to the gym so I have very little time for a relationship ...but I really like this girl.

I need help. lol