I can relate to you to some degree. I am a woman, but I enjoy porn and it is the only way I can get off. I have a low libido when it comes to physical sex in my relationship. The thing is, it wasn't always that way with me. I once was an openly sexual person.

I am sure your sex life has made your life harder. Passion is important. I once had sexual passion in my life, in surplus. I was a happier person (albeit much more impulsive and emotional). Things changed and I no longer have sexual acknowledgement, connection, tension, or passion between anyone. I no longer feel feminine, just... blah. I am no longer an impulsive, emotional person - however, I feel detached and emotionless often.

You seem to feel guilty about sexual desires, and you seem sexually repressed. If your 'desires' are legal and consensual types of desires, you shouldn't be guilty. Desiring sex is wired in you just like eating and sleeping. You need to try to express your sexuality outside of using pornography and masturbation.