Quote:
Originally Posted by Moogieotter
Hey,
From my story. I really struggled around 9 months on my current recovery. For me it was a tiny lil baby step everyday, but I did not start to feel considerably better until 18 months sober with a lot of work on changing my approach to life.
For me, there are two mind sets that can lead to relapse. I am curious if you relate and can pinpoint which mind set applies to you if any.
First, there is the denial pathway. This is the line of thinking where I question the presence and/or severity of my alcoholism to the point of convincing myself that I can "handle it again" that I "really was not that bad" these small flames of denial get fueled leading to relapse.
The other pattern does not involve a pathway through denial. Instead, full alcoholism is accepted and not questioned internally, but the desire to drink simple overrides all good judgement. I refer to this as the "***** it" pathway. In this model, I know for sure that I am an alcoholic and accept that I cannot drink, but do anyway knowing full well of the potential for a great deal of trouble up to and including death.
Pondering these thought patterns and understanding how my alcoholism works helps me stay sober. What is it like for you? I'd love to hear more of your insight.
Thanks,
moogs
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I have been down both the denial pathway and the F*!& it pathway almost constantly for the past ten years. I have been clean for almost ten months with a slip up that happened last month on a trip to visit my father.
The slip up was absurd. I went down the denial pathway on that one. I have been doing recovery my own way for while. It worked for nine months. My problem was that I went to visit my father (also an addict). We went out around town and had some mixed drinks. This lead to me getting drunk and taking some pills. I came home the next day and realized that I cannot drink or do any substances. Ever. Again.
I am not going to look at this as a starting over point like NA does. This was a bump in my recovery road. It taught me something. Actually taught me quite a few things. I haven't used since and i actually feel stronger because this happened.
Split image, my point of saying all of this: sometimes we are learning and getting stronger and we don't realize what is happening. I'm not saying make excuses for yourself, but give yourself some credit for: 1) considering rehab 2) getting more anabuse. Recovery is about finding yourself, forgiving yourself, & learning.
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Addiction Recovery, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, OCD.