Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket
I think it speaks well of your therapist that she recognizes that the goal of effective therapy is to empower the client to live without therapy.
Ten years is a long time to resolve attachment issues. You did just go a week without emailing her. It will get easier.
|
Thank you. I've been seeing her for 6 years already and while she didn't specify a date for ending, I feel like everything has changed. I did email last week, just not about my reactions to the session. It will not get easier to stop. I can't do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by artemis-within
My t has always said that I don't have to stop too. But Saturday she said for the first time in response to something I said about her updated psychologytoday.com profile, I told her that the last part she added about her clients leave with tools they were never taught before stuff like that, I said that gives me hope that there IS an end to this, and she said yes, there is an end. She's never said that before. And I surprised myself by not getting all emotional on her. I think that's progress for me!! I think atat is right, that it will get easier. And I think it's important that you continue to talk about it with your t. I know I'm always needing to talk about the relationship with mine.
I'm sorry you're feeling heartbreak. it will get easier.
|
Thank you, artemis. I'm glad you're making progress and can accept that therapy has an end. To me, it's a relationship that I don't want to end. After all this time, part of me cannot accept that I'm my T's job and when she doesn't practice therapy any more, it's over. In the past she said we could email when I didn't see her anymore, but I never thought I would ever leave, so I didn't think about it. I always knew she could leave or retire, but whenever I asked her, she said she wasn't going anywhere.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
Sending big hugs... I agree that attachment to a T can be painful. I'm in a good, close place with my T right now but also know she's retirement age, so I don't know when that will happen. And I've talked about my attachment to my marriage counselor on here quite a bit...recently shared feelings of love for him and wish he could say that he loves me too, even in just a "therapy love" way (I forget whose T coined that phrase on here), but I know he won't. I have these certain feelings of being loved and cared for by him, and he's said recently that "the caring is real." But it's like that's not enough for me. I want to be special to him. I want the way he looks at me and talks to me and the connection I feel to him to really mean something, not just like techniques he learned in grad school. OK, they mean caring, I guess, but it's like I want more than that (platonically). Part of me just wants to know what he really thinks--am I just on the same level of all of his other clients? But part of me doesn't want to know, wants to continue believing that what I'm experiencing from how he acts toward me, means that he cares deeply about me.
|
Thank you, LT. I'm the one who posted about therapy love! I read it on a blog on PC, I think, and told my T. She liked the phrase, but she doesn't specify "therapy love" when she signs her emails "love." I just thought of something. If she doesn't email me, I won't get to see " love, T" written out. Why does she say she's not taking anything away when she is? I know she will say she hopes I know that she has a special place in her heart for me, and it doesn't have to written, that she loves me. Idk. I'm crying again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolagrace
You went a week without contact Rainbow. Now work toward two. Take it a week at a time. Don't get ahead of yourself. You are upset about something that your T said is years down the road.
She's a good T and is being real with you. Therapy should eventually have an end; it always will have an end at some point. The goal is that you are ready when that time comes.
Resist the urge to call her if you can. You don't have to "do" anything about your feelings right now. It's okay to feel what you are feeling, and feelings always pass. Give yourself some time and work on other ways to tolerate the emotions without getting your T fix to stifle the emotions. You like things to always be calm and sweet and feel-good with your T, but I suspect the real work may take a bit of irritant to get you out of your comfort zone. I suspect you'd like to stay in that comfort zone with your T forever, but that really wouldn't be independent progress. So, feel your feelings and know they will settle down to a tolerable level after a good night's sleep. You'll be able to think a bit clearer and with less catastrophizing in your head.
Sorry it is hurting right now. But it's okay that it does.
|
Lola, you know me so well, and always tell me truths in a firm, but nice way! Thank you. I wish I could go 2 weeks without emailing but I didn't even finish the first. I don't want to stop emailing my T. I don't think it will help my problem to stop. It just makes me feel unsettled and anxious, and depressed! About therapy ending. I assumed I would die first, since my T is 14 years younger than I am. I know that's no guarantee, but in my mind that's how it would play out. She'd be with me at the end. I know that's pathetic and I'm crying again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
I will answer later. But I already did email her. I couldn't help it because I feel so awful.
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneTennison1
I think the key is in realising you can FEEL terrible but you don't have to email/call, you can let it pass. Your mood seems to be up and down depending on the status of your therapy. Have you done much work on DBT and feelings? You don't have to panic and do anything.
To be honest your thread about T not leaving etc doesn't seem realistic. She may not PLAN to but it still may happen as things change. T saying therapy has a beginning/middle/end is more realistic and I'm glad you will be able to work with things together.
She isn't rejecting you. She isn't saying goodbye today. This feelng will move on.
|
Thanks, Jane. I did 2 cycles of DBT about 4 years ago. Maybe I should review my notes. It's just that my T is the one I want to reach out to even though I have a couple of close friends who know me very well and will listen to me talk about my T. I know my T isn't rejecting me, but I sure feel like she is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AllHeart
“Why do I have to give you up?”
I don’t see any of this as a reason to have to give up your t. Cutting back emailing your t seems to me like you are moving away from dependence on your t and that’s a good thing. In fact, that, to me, signifies a step towards a secure attachment.
I commend your t for not feeding you a line of BS. There is a beginning, middle, and end to pretty much everything in life. And if you think about it, everyone in therapy could be considered a “I am a doing this now” situation because it is going to end at some point. Does that make the relationship one has with their t, the care, the love, suddenly not real or meaningless? Of course not.
Why is it that you think about quitting therapy? It seems like your t is an absolute blessing to you. Sorry I’m not understanding.
|
AllHeart, I never think about quitting therapy. This is ALL coming from my T, not me. I tried not emailing but it's too hard for me. It doesn't seem worth it to me. My T doesn't understand how important it is. We talked about how I felt last week, not emailing my reactions to the session. That was doable, but I had to email anyway. I couldn't stop myself. Thank you for saying that the love is still there; it's not meaningless. That I know. T loves me, and I love her. Nothing can take that away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by _Mouse
I think partly because you are unable to have more frequent sessions that this is causing more pain.
I've said it before.
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
I see my T once a week for 1 hour. That's a normal schedule so I don't know what you mean, Mouse. I was out-of-town recently so I missed 3 sessions. Other than that, it's been weekly for a long time.
|