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Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick
I think transference is when you transfer feelings, thoughts and emotions onto another person and sometimes that person can remind you of someone else. You are projecting your feelings onto someone else. Like someone else said, with maternal transference its this deep longing for a mother figure. Sometimes your T can make you feel so good, so loved and cared for and important. You have there full attention for an hour. They really care about your well being. Would wouldn't love that and become attached to that? I think maternal transference is also the wish and longing for that person you are having it with to be your parent.
I didn't know what transference was or even experienced it until I started therapy again (it has been on and off again for years) in July of 2014. Its tough to feel it and go through it and wish so desperately for that person to fill a different role. Talking to my T about it was the best thing I did and she helped to explain it, accept it, help me through it and remind me that it was normal and given my childhood, it is under stable. I am so thankful she was so helpful and didn't push me away because of it.
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That's a good point. My T didn't remind me of anyone, especially not my mother. She just seemed to be the sort of person that I always longed for as a mother figure - understanding, attentive, nurturing, encouraging. I was always confused about whether the type of transference I was experiencing was a reminder of a good relationship with my mother when I was a child that I somehow lost memory of, or whether it is telling me that the longing I felt was an indication of something missing. I can remember having this longing as far back as the age of 5 and my whole life, I have been attaching (perhaps excessively) to female authority figures (teachers, bosses, therapists) who I look to to fulfill this longing and of course, they never did and I found myself continuously let down in the end by all of them.
When I felt this transference happening with my T, I felt that I hated her at the same time as longed for her and I wanted her to let me down. Why would that be?
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Originally Posted by BudFox
All true for me.
Say what? The whole thing is clearly engineered to lure clients into strong feelings directed at the therapist. The delusion is certainly not with clients, if anything the profession is delusional about the wiseness and sanity of provoking this. A core part of the problem in my opinion is that it appears to be a professional relationship, but the level of intimacy and the role play disorients and confuses the client into feeling something else entirely.
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I think the issue is when therapists refuse to acknowledge their clients feelings or "transference" as they like to call it. By ignoring our feelings, they neglect the terrible hurt we feel when we finally have to break that bond.