Yes, it started as unipolar depression (arguably/likely schizodepressive), then BP-II and finally, ("Joy! Beautiful sparks of God!") BP-I or schizomania (diagnosed with schizomania).

I think antidepressants/anxiolytics don't mix well with a dysphoric mania propensity. I'd call it emotional-agoraphobic (cf. -claustrophobic) anxiety. No direction. Not really stuck but (still) overwhelmed.

Of course you may have that regardless, but I think/believe (in a way) numbing yourself, emotionally, can make it worse.

You may be basically, stuck in a moment: between mania and depression. You have to choose a direction. Probably no good staying there.