hey. i wonder if his stressful job means that he finds it hard to relax. i think that you need to relax to have a sexual response... can you help him unwind a little? with massage or something like that? that might help a little...

> {and how hypersexuality tends to prevail in the absense of emotional intimacy and how hyposexuality tends to prevail in the presence of emotional intimacy}

i think... that is meant to come about for people with relational trauma. narcissism... well, one notion is that that arises as a response to relational trauma, so i guess they might be related. i have a bit of a narcissistic disorder myself (due to neglect and stuff) and i think mr. man might as well... he does seem to worry a great deal about moving up the ladder at work and the associated relevant peer assessments... and about how he is underappreciated sometimes...

i guess... i want to work on us having good communication. so i can say (or so he can say) 'i really want / need this now'. to be able to state our needs / preferences honestly like that instead of casting them as being what the OTHER needs / prefers. how come? because too much of that and you find you tend to do something that is actually AGAINST the other persons needs / preferences and then you start to feel resentful that the other person doesn't appreciate your catering to them (which of course you aren't actually doing). i do think... that there can be boundary problems with that kind of thing... i guess i want to try and have a healthy relationship. of course this strategy takes some ego strength... when he says 'i should let you go because you must be getting sleepy' i try and say 'i'm not getting sleepy but if you would like to start your day now, then i understand'. and when he is like 'yeah, i think i should be getting on with my work now' i try and be like 'yeah, thats cool. i'll send you an email' and not be hurt about it or anything. i'm hoping... that we will both be able to be honest like that... it is hard... but i really want this to work out. i think... he is getting better at saying what he needs... and... i hope i'm getting better at it too... not sure... assertiveness isn't really my strong point :-( i guess i just notice that he seems to feel a little... unappreciated by others sometimes because he thinks he has gone out of his way for them and they are unappreciative. i guess... i don't want that to be a pattern in our relationship and i'd like to help him with that (it is a factor in dysthymia, apparently). i hope... that he will similarly help me with stuff that i find hard... i think... he will... but time will tell, i guess...