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So knowing that I will never know one of life's greatest joys nags at me tremendously.
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Even if you choose to leave your wife it doesn't guarantee that you still will ever know what you perceive to be one of life's greatest joys, that passionate love you are questing after.
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You're also right that I feel nagging regrets about never experiencing a strong romantic love.
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How do you know that YOU are even capable of having a relationship where strong romantic love exists? Maybe you have as much difficulty connecting emotionally as you think your wife does. Just because we WISH for something doesn't mean that it's even possible or that we ourselves are capable of attaining it even though our ego tells us we can.
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My wife knows I'm feeling torn. She knows she can't fulfill all of my needs. We have discussed it. We continue to discuss it, but only when I bring it up and ask her to talk. She never initiates conversations about our relationship or asks how I'm feeling.
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sounds like she is not having a problem & thus doesn't find the need to discuss. Since you seem to be the one having the problem it would make sense that she wouldn't be the one to initiate a conversation about the relationship.
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We are pleasant to each other, good partners, friends, and the sex is acceptable. I wish the friendship part were better and closer. I wish I didn't constantly have monitor her mood and be responsible for her fun and enjoyment in every situation. I wish she were more resilient and excited about novel situations. I wish I could be myself more freely. I do often feel like I'm walking on eggshells. My wife is a difficult person to please, and she never expresses joy or even despair. She's unmoving. The sex is good, simply because it's the only way I know how to really make her happy. It's the only time I feel like I truly satisfy her, and it's evident in her reactions and attitude. It's the only time I get an overwhelming positive reaction from her. Even though she enjoys it and it makes me feel good to please her, it's sad that this is the only way I can make her excited and enthusiastic.
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it would be interesting to hear your wife's point of view but then I'm sure if you have been open with her about this as you have your other dissatisfaction with the marriage, you know her thoughts on these things & her point of view about you. You say you have a high intensity about your life...are you judging your wife for her not being equal to your own intensity? Maybe she is as excited about things but just keeps her feelings inside. Monitoring her mood & making her happy is YOUR opinion about her mood. Just because she doesn't express joy or despair in the way you expect her to doesn't mean she doesn't FEEL OR EXPERIENCE it in HER OWN WAY. It does sound like marriage counseling is important but in reality it doesn't sound like you may REALLY know your wife for who she really is but rather for the lack of her meeting what you expect she should be like.
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I realize passionate love is temporary, but does that make it meaningless? Is it meaningless?
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Many times relationships start out with what is thought to be strong romantic passionate love but in reality it's only LUST & that ends up meaningless when it dies out once you get to know the person. It can turns into a deep loving relationship for that person (which in reality if there is a strong love there, the sex with that passion SHOULD continue) or it might just go away if there is nothing but the lust in the connection & that is meaningless.
Just because you spent that many years together doesn't mean you tried to make it work even with the list of things you tried. Those things were your concept of what might work. Therapy is a good place to start. Finding a good T is as elusive as finding REAL passionate love that isn't just lust. I wasted 13 years with T's who in reality never got to the real depth of the problem which was like an ice berg. They never went below the surface. I had no idea until I finally found Therapy that did.
To be honest, when I left my H after all those years, I never looked back wondering about leaving & I never regretted leaving for a moment. I never thought of him after I left. Only wonder I had was what financial irresponsibility he would pull next. For the first time in my life I felt PEACE. I have been alone for 9 years & love it. No desire to ever get involved again unless a really wonderful & responsible man should come into my life with my same values & beliefs. I didn't leave on the quest for passion but I did leave on my quest for regaining my sanity & find peace in my life.. I regret that I got married to him in the first place & that I stayed as long as I did to end up financially trapped there until I could escape.