Dear T and also T-on-leave,

Would you want to stay my T if I would chose to not go back to T-on-leave? I can be a bit of a pain in the ***. I'm slow and stuborn and difficult. I don't know what I want. I feel so much anger for T-on-leave. I don't know what would happen if I see her again, what I would feel. I'm angy for leaving me during a difficult time and she knew for over a year that this would happen. She should have given me a choice when she changed work places. Maybe starting with a new T then would have been better for me, instead of now. I feel so lonely. And depressed. Everything is getting worse. Since your news and then your leaving, I'm feeling nothing and everything. I don't see the point in anything. I'm not even really overthinking, it's just a feeling. The whole weekend I stayed in bed. I couldn't get myself to do anything. Everytime I started crying.
I don't know if you still want to see me. I've send you an angry email. It was after midnight, I couldn't sleep. I felt bad. All kind of thought about you in my head. You won't read it until you're back at work.

I just want to be done with therapy, but I can't do it alone.