alex,

I've not read anything but the first post and wanted to respond to that first...

I SO understand your confusion in his actions with your advance. In fact, your man sounds alot like my man and we just had our 20th anniversary this past January.

Anyhow, we had a sexual relationship pretty early...very early. He was all about pleasing me. He knew I had abuse, but not to the extent that it was, nor who, etc. He knew some, more than I would've liked him to, in fact. I, like you, had freaked a bit once.

So, the sexual part seemed good...great, right? He, like your man, showed high interest in pleasing me. I was timid, self-conscious, hesitant, etc. I guess I showed signs of my history one could surmise. It was still good, with his having a high interest in me.

I finally felt comfortable enough to advance myself not long into the relationship and he put me off as well. He wasn't even close to ugly or anything. He just turned it back around to me...quickly...in a way that let me know he didn't want to go "there".

I couldn't get that out of my mind. Over a year later, when we were married and had a child already, I asked him about it.

He explained that he wanted me to KNOW, truly KNOW, that he wanted me for me and not what I could do, not what I thought a man expected, etc. He said that I couldn't separate love from sex...that they appeared to be the same for me and he wanted to show me love...his love for me...no strings or expectations. He wanted my relationship with him to be different and made it so. If I'd had my way, I would've brought sameness from the past ugly to the present beautiful without knowing it.

He's never had therapy and is a pretty ordinary man by appearance, but he was and is so much more and that's only one example of the insight and deep emotional thinking and connections a man can have and want to have.

I wanted to share...

KD