I was reading about how the Japanese see suicide as an act of courage and honor...
Philosofically, death is a western society taboo just like incest and we are taught that even thinking that we are all going to die is regarded as something that we shouldn't spend time on.
It does sound like you've been obsessing a bit about it but just thinking about it shouldn't hurt you.
Maybe you just need to find some balance there between acknowledging death as a part of life and thinking about it too much.

Be well.