I think in some ways we are alike rainbow. I know how much it hurts to have that longing for your T. I think the longing hurts more now that she is not my T. I understand your fear of the end. I was petrified of it because I knew it would be like this. You can PM me anytime. I really understand where you are coming from and if you ever need to vent or talk about anything, I am here for you. Sending you gentle hugs if you want them.