It feels like the more I try to pull myself out of this rut that I am in, the further down I fall. Everything that I do goes wrong. I try to make new friends or rekindle old friendships and I fail. Many people have suggested that maybe I am trying to hard making things worse in the process. My marriage seems to be falling apart. I try to fix it, to keep us together, but I always seem to mess things up more there as well. I'm not sure if I am pushing him away or if he is pulling away himself. We are on this cycle of good and bad between us. Right now, things are good, but I know it will not last very long. Soon, I will be the lying, cheating, lazy, good for nothing, worthless piece of crap wife. He will be telling other women that he is single, all while accusing me of doing the cheating. I already see myself as worthless. I already see how much I ruin everything around me. I see how much better off everyone's lives would be if I wasn't here. How much longer can I bear this before I finally decide that I have had enough?