Now I know why I reached out to this forum when I did. I was starting to fall after being stable for so long, and now I’ve sunk. It feels like every organ in my body has fallen down lower than they should be, and something’s weighing down my heart, its fallen out entirely, or almost. My closest friend says I haven’t been myself for about a month now which is after a couple of weeks of agitation.

I’m stupid and slow, but I can’t sleep to save my life. I don’t want to take medications, I don’t want to do anything, I’m deathly afraid of not being able to work tomorrow. I did take everything though only tonight halved the Seroquel, I think it’s the root of all evil, I’m deadset on it. Worrying about work I’m starting to get agitated. I’m so angry with myself because I feel like I must have done something for this to happen and yet I’m too care-less to care.
Glad I found this forum, sorry to start like this. As I said in my first post, I do miss the ecstasy of hypomania, it makes me so so so sad, I hope this will lead to it eventually, I don’t care about the turn for worse at its end because maybe it won’t happen, I’ll roll the dice. If this is more than a reallyreally bad-blip, then I’ll call my pdoc on Friday, at least to just tell her or so I promised my friend I’d do, but I don’t want more meds, or ones with ugly side effects, which is most of course.