If she's denying anything while you address that you feel a certain way when a certain behavior or statement occurs, then it sounds like more reason to work on learning new skills.

I know what it's like, to experience a marriage that's walking on eggshells. One of unpredictable moods, lack of personal responsibility and accountability. One in which I also realized that I grew apart from on many levels. One in which Love is not enough. One in which I questioned how I ever thought that I knew what love was. Why oh why did Disney sell us down the river, hook, line and sinker. That's actually common in marriages like that.
Much of what you've written....it's really not that uncommon of a pattern of thinking. I've read similar stories through the years in various other support sites, almost a decade worth of hearing similar woes. Hence my **** or get off the pot perspective.

Unfulfilling marriages, over time, will leave such sense of cynicism, fatalism, resentment about love.

She says that she'll go to counseling, if that's what you want? Then, get her in, because if you stay, leave or stray it is beneficial for her to recognize about herself how her communication style is pushing people away. Why didn't she take your lead, anyway? You've gone for yourself and have fared well. Why didn't she?