Yesterday I was talking with T about my desire to feel connected to him all the time. He asked me how that felt in my body and it was hard for me to stop cogitating and start listening to my body but when I did I realised I could feel in my hands and arms a yearning desire to reach out to him physically.
I would never have predicted what he said next. He said he had thought about touch boundaries with me and even though he felt a little anxious about whether it was going to 'lead to tricky territory' he is open to the idea of using touch in therapy.
I'm not exactly sure what he is offering, and we didn't really talk specifics, but I did say that if we were to go down that road we would have to be very explicit about boundaries which he agreed.
Having thought about what it is I do need, I feel like I would benefit from some kind of hand holding, specifically when I lower my guard and allow myself to experience feelings rather than thoughts, especially when dealing with early experiences and attachment. Whenever I do that I seem to very quickly get to the edge of dissociation. It seems to me that the dissociation is less likely if I am physically holding his hand and that might help me to lower those defences.
So I'm interested in people's thoughts and/or experiences around this. I have been reading lots but it's all from a therapist's perspective and I'm interested to know how touch in therapy is experienced from a client's perspective, as well as any thoughts about my T's offer.
Both reassurance/positive experience and words of caution/negative experience equally valued.