You usually need to actually experience a loving relationship before you can recognize it.
Maybe that's half of your equation solved.
For the other half,I'm with Patagonia, sort yourself out before you bring someone else into this chaos and confusion. You'll save yourself and any potential partner alot of grief.
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DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD
"The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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