quote " I've gotten better at functional stuff like working and school, or trying to eat/sleep/rest, etc." see you have made progress.

it is so hard at that point - when you cant see any light - but you HAVE made progress and you will keep making it - it may be one step forward two back at times but and its a big but and it involves that word i have come to hate - TIME - time and keeping at it does help

my life has been like a roller coaster without the highs since i was attacked - you ge to the dizzying scary height but dont get the relief of the ride stopping - but the road or the track does ease up at times - give you time to breathe - thats all you need - a moment to breathe without everythign coming at you

PTSD does change you in my opinion but you can fight back - I have struggled and still struggle to not let that man win - i am still a nurse i the same hospital - the othersthere that day have all left - I guess i am stubborn..emm persistant ;-)

if you want to work in anti violence there are many many fields in which to work that may be suitable in the long term for you - your experience may even be helpful - I always had a good instinct for violence from childhood but PTSD makes you even more alert to signals - a curse and a blessing at the same time

at my worst times i live second to second I remember my T saying you can get through a second cant you? and i said yes and then he said well then a minute an hour a day a week and so on - I keep going one foot in front of the other until I can find my path again

its swings and roundabouts - back and forth and you ARE strong enough to do this - you made it this far you can get through this

things keep coming back till you resolve them - if i get triggered i look for the cause - try to resolve it or disarm it - ground myself ..I had my cat to cuddle when times were their worst...now i have a teddy bear ....maybe one day another cat...dunno.. I miss him... but thats a tale for another day lol
the best book i ever read - oh and ive read hundreds online and from the library - was THE PTSD Sourcebook - gave me lots of ah ha! moments - and thats why i do that....

I wish you well on your journey and we are all here to listen if you need to rant or offer a hand if you need a lift up

you can do this

P7