I had just assumed that my T didn't use touch or give hugs because she never had to me (except a hug before the holidays). But then at some point last year, I made a comment about that and how I knew from these forums that some T's hug and some don't. She said that she does hug some clients. It took me a few sessions before I could ask why she didn't hug me, and she said it was because of my maternal transference. I was really hurt by that, like I was being punished for having some level of transference for her (and it wasn't nearly as intense as for MC).

Toward the end of last year, I noticed she often touched me briefly on the arm when I left, which she'd never done before. It felt nice and affectionate, but I was afraid to comment on the fact that I liked that because I didn't want her to realize what she was doing and stop. Before she was going to leave on Christmas break, when I was also going through a rough time, she gave me a very warm hug, which surprised me (even though she'd done that the year before). I ended up seeing her again the day before she left, and got another hug.

No hugs the sessions after that. A month or two later, when I was feeling particularly upset, when it was time to leave, I was like, "I'd like to ask for a hug, but I figure you'll say no. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." And she was like "Of course you can have a hug! You don't ever need to apologize for asking for a hug." And she gave me one. We've hugged a couple times since then, one after we sort of "made up" after a minor rupture. I try to only request when I feel I really want/need one. Maybe I'm afraid they won't be as meaningful if they happen every time? She often does the arm/shoulder touch thing, which is nice. I'm not sure what changed her stance, but I'm happy about it. (Will do separate MC post.)