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Old May 19, 2016, 12:09 PM
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s4ndm4n2006 s4ndm4n2006 is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,052
Quote:
Originally Posted by RichardBrooks View Post
I don't want to go crazy with details in the first post here. To summarize as much as possible, I have been in a handful of serious relationships in my life, and they have all ended the same way (with some slight variation). I think things are going great until suddenly, whether it's a few month or a few years in, she breaks off ties with me because she has met someone else. I don't just mean breaks up, I mean cuts me out of her life completely, with not so much as an explanation or even a discussion of what went wrong. And, yes, there is always someone else in her life immediately.

I have been engaged twice. My first fiancee flat out told me she was cheating on me, and "if you were a real man, you'd have known it." The second, I caught cheating when her (then) 4 year old son was playing with her cell phone, and when I got the phone away from him, on the screen was the text conversation between her and her ex-husband. In addition to references to a night they had spent together (when I thought she was working), they were talking about her wanting to leave me for him, but needing to keep me around because she couldn't afford to pay the bills on her own. (He had no job.)

The last relationship I was in was with someone I knew from online She was the one who pointed out that many of my prior experiences actually qualified as emotional abuse. She had nothing but disparaging things to say about the women I had been involved with in the past, and told me that if we were together I would finally know 'how a woman should treat a man'. (This was before our friendship developed into a relationship.) We were involved for about two months when she unexpectedly told me she wanted to back off because she had a lot of stress in her life already, and a long-distance relationship was too much at the time. I was understanding and tried to take things back to the level of friendship... until I discovered she was already seeing someone else. This after many reassurances (from her and her best friend) that she would never do something like that. When I confronted her about this, she admitted it, but when I asked her why, the closest to an answer she ever gave me was "I can't tell you because I don't want to hurt your feelings." This was the very same behavior she herself had called abusive.

So my question is this: How do I break this cycle? I have been through three therapists in the past year, and the only advice I get there is I need to learn to be okay with being alone. Well, I'm not. I cannot accept that being alone is my only option. I cannot accept that numerous women from various backgrounds and various walks of life have all cheated on me and lied to me, and there is no explanation for this and nothing I can do about it. I see other "men" in long-term relationships every day, "men" without jobs, "men" with prison records, "men" with kids they don't pay child support on, "men" who abuse and mistreat the women they are with. What are these so-called 'men' doing right that I am doing wrong? Or what is so d***ed unacceptable about me? But, most importantly, how do I change this? How do I break this cycle? How do I ensure that I don't get treated this way again?
Richard one thing I've learned over time, having been through a lot myself, including bad marriages and ending up in what you would call the "cycle" of the same types of women. what I have found not only in my own life is that we tend to for whatever reason end up with the same types of people for (my analysis) the simple reason we ended up with that type the first time. If it keeps happening it's likely we haven't figured out what it is that makes us drawn to the type of women we end up with. I think that part of this learning has to be self awareness and introspection of what we've been through and why.

I agree with the person that mentioned being alone needs to be ok. at this point since my last relationship end (about 4 yrs) I have accepted being alone and actually am quite happy with it even though I do feel that being in a relationship is still something I'd enjoy, it's not a need and I think the period of being alone has taught me a lot about myself. I don't know if I'm ready or if I'd pick a better person when and if I do, but I do believe that the chance of that happening is much better now too.

hope this helps.