Yes, it is a coping mechanism. It is partly how I try to keep how I'm really feeling (the depth of feeling) from him because 10 years of therapy (often twice a week) and you get to know each other. I know tricks to how he feels (his voices changes when he's going to push something and even more when he knows he's about to make me uncomfortable) and he can read the slightest change in my expression. So I try to keep him from seeing my eyes, which is ridiculous because he sees it all anyway.

It's just hard. It doesn't matter we've agreed but I seem to want to work on it. So we're talking about it some along with every excuse I can make up. I can make up a LOT of excuses it turns out .