Today I'm exhausted. I thought that if I woke up and study from 7 to 9 and then to 2 to six I could do the six hours. But work today was hard, I nearly had a heart attack when they said they couldn't find an archive and the chair killed my back.

Coming back, I usually hear and audiobook while eating and then study but my brother was so toxic today and when I learned that my mother was already in read (she is not worried and she said we are fine, we had credit and savings and she had passed far, far worse than this and it would only mean eating less expensive and not buying in super and so on) I got an anxiety attack.

I rested in my bed for half and hour and yet, studying was so hard. I feel so drained. Like stripped and cut. I wanted to study more but I'm falling down and decided that I needed to take care of myself. That it's not the same as was when studying but

I'm an adult and I still get afraid when my mother has difficulties. Why my brother doesn't love me? Why is life so insecure? I want don't know.