i think... we are lucky that they seem to look out for our interests and aren't completely absorbed with their own.

i worry a little... i mean... i don't really know what is up with mr man... but... i guess all i can do... is take some comfort from what people have said (which i have done) and... just wait and see how things pan out.

i'm just scared because i really honestly never thought that i'd have a relationship with someone. i always figured that i simply wasn't healthy enough to have a healthy relationship and that if i tried that it would inevitably end up being hostile / bitter / unpleasant. i guess i have kinda pushed people away from me. that is probably why i haven't really wanted to have a relationship with anybody... but then part of me wondered whether i just hadn't met the right person yet. someone who made me feel like i wanted to try. well, i've met him now.

and... even if things don't work out between us i can hold onto that. i AM capable of love. and... if those feelings go away (if i run cold) then i figure it is a matter of how much else we have going for us (similar interests, ability to share non-verbal things like walks and stuff) to keep me working on my %#@&#!. i don't really believe in soul mates i'm more a fan of 'circumstances'. i just didn't think i would ever find circumstances conducive for me really wanting to be with someone.

how old am i???

lol.