Wants2Fly,

It took me a while to see this post, but it hits a thinking spot in my mind that was there form the time I was 20ish (many moons ago...around 1973). When I was in highschool, I had a boyfriend in Ohio (I lived in California). He talked about getting married....& he did....to someone in Ohio. Then got divorced a few years later, wanting to get back together. It was at that point in my life that I wondered why women always base their life goals on finding the right man in their lives. Why does our happiness have to be dependent on finding that right man to share life with? At that point in life, I was determined to have my career & take care of myself & be happy with who & what I was as the person I was.....never depending on someone else to make me complete.

Then a few years later, I met a nice person who is a nice person. We got married & the rest I have posted about here. Even when I was married, I kept the belief that I wasn't defined by the marriage I was in....I defined myself as a person. Needless to say, with a person who didn't understand that concept of marriage, we have had a most impossible 32 years of nothing but tolerating each other & then everything became based on what we could get with the money we both brough it. Sure, we shared great vacation times in our vacation condo in Jackson Hole Wyo, winter skiing, our backpacking weeks in the Sierra Mountains & the Rockies. But the everyday life wasn't plesant....with the constant stress of being expected to do all the house work (because I was the wife) & also hold down my career.

When my depression took over in 1994 (when my career ended), I felt I had nothing because at that time, I defined myself by my career. I hated my family life & my career was my escape into my life. No income except disability & bills that were left over from a 2 career relationship. Even more depression. I guess if the relationship had been good, I might have felt better, but I never believed that a relationship was what makes a person anyway.

After purchasing my farm in Ky & spending quality alone time there, I finally realized that the thoughts & values that I had before I ever got married were still valid. Unless I can be satisfied with myself as a person & happy with who I am & what I am (not meaning my job or career either), I will never be able to share happiness with anyone else. My husband is also living proof it exactly what I am saying. He is a miserable unhappy person who is self absorbed & only interested in what money can get him. Now that his career was ended several years ago, he is even more miserable. I truely believe that until he gets in touch with himself & starts to know who he is & what his values are, he can never be part of a partnership. I believe that we are not flawed because of the things that are going wrong or the relationships we aren't successful in. Why should we take the whole blame for relationships going bad?....it is just as much th fault of the other people as it is ours.

If we can be happy with who we are (not dependent on others) & what we are, what we do & the values we hold.....then we aren't flawed.....& I believe that you defenitely aren't flawed.

Debbie