When people suggest therapy I'm done with therapy all together I got screwed over big time by my therapists. They are making me pay copays we agreed I didn't have to cover many months ago but they basically had in session and ask about basketball or something not helpful. My time was wasted again.

Yeah I'm grieving and holding on to guilt because I'm surrounding by my shame I can't escape it. My best friend is dead, my dog is dead, and I can't make enough time to grieve properly my therapists quit and it's happening all over again like when I was a child and teen time and time again. No one loves me when I go through truama. I remember everything how I was suffering greatly and the adults and people i trusted left and abandoned me at moments notice. Since dealing with this at 4 to now, I am so used to being treated poorly I just expect it sometimes crave it. I expect to be want physical abuse secretly because I feel better. That I am so messed up sometimes I feel I deserve it. I never worked on myself because hospitals were just minimal security prisons but with group games. Most gaurds had tasers if you're 14 and you dart out that magnetic door, they can and will tackle you and tase you. I've seen it or the usually tackle you and put a sedative in you. They ignore your feelings always and talk down to you like you're a lesser being.

And it's disgusting like why should I believe there is anything good from this.

I do not care to be judged ridiculed and be in meds just because I'm crazy.