I guess I just want to vent a little, please bear with me.

Three weeks ago I fired my T, for many reasons, but mainly because she was so incredibly stupid and vapid and didn't understand me at all. I was in therapy for 6 months with her and it's been hell, I ended up feeling much worse than when I started.

Basically I haven't had any psychotherapy for one month, because the last time I saw her, on 2nd May, we just talked about me firing her. One could also say I haven't had any psychotherapy for the last year, as she was so stupid and invalidating.

I've been waiting for my pdoc to call me for nearly two weeks now (I talked about this in the BPD forum). He did call me, but just to tell me he didn't know anything yet and that he would call me again "tomorrow". It's been 4 days now I've been waiting for "tomorrow" to happen. He's supposed to give the name of a new T, so I can call him/her and schedule an appointment.

I'm very scared and anxious because summer is nearly here and then Ts are going on vacation and I'll be alone. I feel abandoned and not taken care of. I often feel like I have to act out real big in order to be heard, in order for them to do something for me.

I know this is probably just bureaucracy (I live in Italy after all), so they need to do tons of paperwork just to give me a new T and make me drop out of the research project (my therapy was part of a research project they are doing). But this is not helping me feel less abandoned. Just like they'd say "tsk, your case is not serious enough, let's wait and see, let's help somebody else first". My T used to actually tell me my case was not serious enough - this despite my meeting all 9 criteria for BPD.

Sorry for venting, I would be glad of any support. If you want, otherwise that's OK. (This is another issue of mine, always saying it's OK when it's not.)