I'm obsessed and wish I wasn't. I feel desperate for an attachment with my t, but equally fearful of it. It makes it very difficult for both of us in my therapy because it is almost impossible to find the right balance of attachment and separation that feels good, safe, and containing for me. If I begin feeling too attached, it freaks me out and scares me, so I step way back. If I don't feel attached or connected enough, I feel a painful yearning that is hard to bear. My attachment style is disorganized.

Do I think of the ramifications of my attachment to my t's career and persona life? I absolutely think about the effect on her career in terms of how often I contact her between sessions and request a reply. But I try to be very strict with myself when it comes to this. In the past, I felt a great need to have contact between sessions, in order to hold onto the connection with her. However, at some point, she requested that I email less and make my messages shorter. This hurt me greatly, even though I understood why. Since then, I try never to email her at all unless it is a last resort.

No, I don't think about the ramifications of my attachment in her personal life, because I don't believe it affects her personal life. I never contact her at home for any reason, either by email or phone. I never have. Regardless of the obsessiveness of my attachment, I would not cross that boundary, simply out of respect for her.