Prismbunny- I so appreciate your responses and others' responses as well. I'm sorry if I conveyed that I didn't. I am grumpy at myself and it's probably coming out in my posts. You're right though, along with LG, WHY do I feel I need to protect him from my feelings? I guess I should think on that. I was unable to bring up specifics of my negative self-talk in session because the talk involves a lot of vile language, completely unlike how I come across to others, and completely unlike how my therapist comes off to me (very mannered, dressed in jacket and tie). I felt like I was protecting him from my ugly parts. I thought better of it and emailed him, thinking that would be more tolerable. I guess I hate feeling so needy, and don't want to step on toes, take up too much room, etc...so I didn't want to swamp his birthday morning with a tearful session. I'm sure it would have been ok, now that I am thinking of it in hindsight. But my immediate instinct is that if I end up being too much for people, they will leave me, so I am careful to space out my craziness I guess. This just felt too much.

I really appreciate your responses, and I am sorry if my last response came off as sharp. It wasn't intended at all. Promise!